The last 6mo have been hard....

The last 6mo have been really hard! My beautiful, amazing, strong mother lost her battle with lung cancer on November 30, 2011. I know without a doubt that when she is before the Lord he will tell her "Well done thou good and faithful servent"! She beat all life expectancy odds with a smile on her face. She was my best friend, my confidant, my example as to what a mother and a christian should be.  I miss her so much!!!

Over her birthday in October she came down with Pneumonia. Every year, as a family, we go to the pumpkin patch for her birthday. It was one of her favorite things! This was the first year she couldn't go. But we went to the house and celebrated anyways. Then she made us all go with my dad while she took a nap. She went into the hospital and started to get better. She was released around the middle of November and was home for a few days. Then she started having trouble breathing. She had been on oxygen since March of 2011 because of a bout of pneumonia. But the oxygen wasn't helping this time. So she went into ICU. They told us she wouldn't make it till Christmas. She was so mad! How dare they tell her that! This was the day before Thanksgiving. I was hosting Thanksgiving at my house. She still wanted us to have it. My dad stayed with her but my aunt, sister, her boyfriend and nephew came for Thanksgiving. In ICU Mom wrote instructions for baking the turkey on a dry erase board, because they didn't want her to talk to save her oxygen. My sister in law took a picture of it on her phone and emailed it to me. In ICU they wouldn't let her grandkids see her. She hated it there but she still smiled. Finally we decided it would be best if we moved her to Hospice. She would get the same level of care, in a homey environment and the kids could see her.

They moved her on Thanksgiving day. She began to work towards getting better. They were able to lower her oxygen levels for a couple of days and she tried to get out of bed more often. She always had a smile on her face and when the nurses would check on her she always asked them how they were doing. My aunt (her sister) had flown in from Texas and was staying with my dad. They kept viligant watch in her room day and night. My sister, brother and I visited every day. The kids brought her a Christmas Tree and decorated it with homemade decorations. I spent hours laying in the bed with her while she rested. She had a few really good days and my sister Kalin, came down with her new baby and my mom was so excited to hold him and hold him while he slept. That was a good day. Her room was packed with family and we all were laughing and joking. That was Saturday, November 26. The next couple of days she was extremely tired. They turned her oxygen back up. Tuesday evening I came and laid in the bed with her. She wanted to listen to my Ipod and pick out songs for her memorial service. She knew her time was coming soon. We sat and listened to Selah songs, each with a headphone in our ears. She would give me a thumbs up or down for each song and I wrote down the ones she liked. I got to tell her how much I loved her and how amazing she was.


The next morning my dad called and said we needed to get down there right away. So I went. My husband dropped the kids off at a friends house and he met me down there later. My mother was his mother! He loved her so much! Her room was packed and she insisted that we take pictures with her. They had been giving her morphine so that she could relax some and not have anxiety about the troubles with her breathing. My aunt got my parents dog groomed and she got to hold him. She told my dad how much she loved him and asked if it was ok if she went! She wanted to make sure he was going to be ok. We prayed with her, we prayed as a family. We hugged and cried. They gave her some more morphine and adavan. And she took a nap. Then at 1:30pm she passed away in her sleep.

This is the first time I have put up these pics. I know she wouldn't want to be remembered this way but even in sickness she was so beautiful!

It was heart wrenching! But there was a peace about it too. She is no longer sick and the very next thing she will see is her saviors' face! Her favorite quote was "I have Cancer, Cancer doesn't have me. God has me and he holds me in the palm of His hand".


They took her to the funeral home and as they wheeled her out the Hospice House lit a candle for her and walked with us out. The next day my siblings, aunt and I went with my dad to make the funeral arrangements. I'm so glad we did it together. It was so hard but I'm glad we did it together. We had her memorial service on December 4. It was beautiful! The church was packed and over flowing. My mother was loved by so many and it was because of the way she lived her life! She was always positive, kind, thoughtful and faithful to the Lord.

Before she passed she was adamant that we still carried on our Christmas Tradition of having Christmas as a family the weekend before Christmas Day. It was to be at my house, my sister was to read the story to the kids (that was always what my mom did), and my brother was to read the Christmas Story from the Bible. We did it, we cried, we laughed, we remembered. We've all gone through depression and have drawn closer as a family. It's been so hard for my dad! I hurt for him...we have our children and spouses to distract us. But he comes home to an empty house! I pray for him daily! But he is strong, and he made promises to her and to the Lord. He is making it...but it's hard.

I think even though its been almost 6mo it still doesn't feel real. It still doesn't register that she's really gone. I will miss her forever but cherish the memories that I can pass down to my kids. I was so blessed to have her for 32yrs of my life! And I look forward to the day the Lord comes and I can see her again, no longer sick, full of light and dressed in white!

I made a rememberance blog that is a work in progress. You can find it here: http://darleneadelle.blogspot.com/