Supermom Syndrome

I've had one of those days again. One of those days where I feel almost frantic over how quickly time is going by. I fear for how fast my children are growing up and for the percieved missed opportunities I've had to meaningfully impact their lives. Does anyone else go through this? Last night I couldn't sleep because my mind kept playing over and over all of my parental short comings. Throughout the night I was reminded of all the opportunites I had missed in teaching my children something important because of time and priorities. I would doze a bit and then be awakened by my brain trying to work out a solution or make a plan on how I can remedy this and be a better mother.  I worry because I feel like my days race by and barely anything gets accomplished. There are 24hrs in a day but there is still mountains of laundry to do, a messy house to clean...even though I vacumed it 3 times in one day! There are college classes to attent and assignments to do, though I have yet to crack a textbook. Homeschooling is another important aspect of my day that never feels like it is quite done to "my" standards. Plus there are doctor appointments, meals to make, endless amounts of projects to get to. On top of that I have 4 children to raise into Godly, well educated, empathetic, hard working, critically thinking, kind and loving citizens. Sometimes I feel like all this needs to be accoplished in one day and all by myself. I feel alone, frustrated and like a failure! How do I do it all? I need balance, a routine, a schedule, support, encouragement....HELP!

My husband is so helpful around the house and he takes good care of us! He loves to play with and spend time with the kids and will instill an important character quality in them if I ask him to. But this is the mothers job right? We are the ones with the natural affinity for raising good and well rounded children. Sometimes my idea of what I should be able to accomplish in one day borders on insanity! How do I find balance? How do I define my job description within reality? Why do I set such high and sometimes unatainable standards for myself? I can work myself into a tizzy over not getting as much schoolwork done with the kids. I worry that I haven't read them enough Bible stories or instiled their need for a relationship with God. I worry that the house isn't clean because that must mean I am slacking on that part of my "job". I worry that I'm not playing enough with Sophia, or doing enough creative things that make memories with my kids. I worry, worry, worry and I'm never "enough"! That's what it boils down to! What is "enough"? What is this standard I have set for myself, this superhuman quality that I think I must attain in order to be what I think is "enough"? I take so much onto my plate (full time college, homeschooling, homemaking, volunteering, home business, etc.) because I worry if I'm not continuously "doing" then I am invaluable. I don't bring in a monetary paycheck so who I am and what I do is not as important. Where do I get this from? Society? Media? 

It seems to be instilled in me that a womans job at home is a luxary...a job only allowed to those who can afford it and so it is despensible.  I am so greatful that I can be home with my children. I wouldn't want to do any other job right now but along with that comes this unbearable perfectionism. I'm always comparing myself to other moms and what I think they are achieving as mothers. I always feel like a failure. Maybe that's part of the problem. With social media we put forth the wonderful images of our "perfect" families and homes. We don't share our struggles or failures because we don't want people to see that side. By doing this though how are we able to bless others, to encourage others. As a mom I need to know that others are struggling with the same things as I am. I need to be able to share ideas, encourage and be encouraged. I think if we were more open with our thoughts, trials and struggles as mothers we wouldn't feel so alone. I don't have a solution for my worry or anxiety other than the advise my husband gave me to, "Let it Go!" (Is the song stuck in your head now?) I know I would give the advice to pray about it and rely on God but I'm still struggling with what that means and how I can actually apply that in my own life.

Lets not be afraid to show our vulnerable sides, our failures and our struggles. By doing so, others may be blessed and encouraged and see that they are not alone. Then we can come together and support each other in this most difficult and rewarding job of being parents!